Transformation Doesn't Happen in an Instant

Not every epiphany sparks immediate, radical change.

February 2021 marks 20 years, to the month, from what I lovingly refer to as my “epiphany” – the moment that jumpstarted lasting change in my life.

That lasting change, however, didn’t happen overnight.

First, let me tell you the story of my epiphany. I was working in a pretty “dog-eat-dog” investment banking job in San Francisco where 12-plus hour days and weekends at the office were the norm. I was up for a big promotion – one I definitely felt I deserved. The kicker? I didn’t even want the promotion; I was deeply unhappy there. But it was the next traditional step in my career at the time and I hadn’t established a different way of thinking about my professional life, so I convinced myself that I wanted it.

I had to interview at HQ in New York for the promotion, and truthfully, I was cocky about it. And, as I said, I didn’t really want it anyway. So I didn’t prepare, thinking my merit alone was enough to get the thumbs-up.

Long story short:  I got crushed.

It was clear that my unhappiness with the job led me to NOT act to prepare myself to do well. I’m sure the people in NYC picked up on that.

When I returned to the San Francisco office, my boss sat me down and said, “Mike, it didn’t go well,” but I already knew that. This was now just the nail in my coffin. I wouldn’t be receiving a promotion, and my chances of ever moving up in this organization were woefully slim. I stuck around long enough to slog through a few more grueling projects and collect my annual bonus. But after that, I really had zero clue about what was next for my career.

So what about that epiphany? 

After feeling completely crushed at the news I wouldn’t be promoted, I remember long days sitting at my desk, listlessly staring at the computer, thinking to myself, “what the hell am I going to do now?” I knew I hated my career; I couldn’t fathom just going out and trying to land another job in banking and continuing the same path elsewhere. But what else was there for me to do?

Then I remember an amazing mind-opening experience. It was simultaneously like being struck by a flash of lightning and incredibly simple. Clarity arose spontaneously while staring vacantly at my computer one day –

“Do something radically different. Go play & explore a bit.”

That was it. I wouldn’t get another job yet. I’d spent my life up till then being studious, responsible, and hard-working. So instead of continuing along that same tired-feeling path, I’d go play. The feeling of being crushed gave way to immense relief, clarity, and impending freedom. I planned a year off to go backpacking through the Rockies and ski bum it in Lake Tahoe.

This was brilliant! And utterly flawed. I felt sure that a whole entire year unplugged would be plenty of time for me to figure out what kind of career I wanted that would be inspiring, purposeful, and deeply rewarding.

(I bet you can guess how that one worked out!)

Turns out a whole year isn’t necessarily enough time to find your passion and purpose. It can take much, much longer, with lots of twists, turns, and dead ends along the way (here’s one I tried on for a bit – whitewater raft guide. Nope, I am terrible in that kind of water!)

Transformation is a journey – that’s why much of my marketing and content centers on that theme (I even sign off many of my emails to clients and followers with the line, “See you on the journey ahead”). We often believe that a big epiphany invariably leads to immediate radical change, if only we can just have that epiphany!

Perhaps that’s our hope – that if we can just get that one big insight nailed down, the rest will be easy. That certainly was mine.

What I ultimately found for myself, and many of my clients, is exactly the opposite. Sometimes change starts less with an explosion and more with a tiny seed being planted. With time, resources, and patience, that seed holds the potential to blossom into something new and big. But you gotta work it.

It's like a version of the 80-20 rule – the epiphany blows the doors open to what’s next, which feels like you’ve gotten yourself 80% of the way to your next destination. So that last 20% should just be smooth sailing, right? Wrong. My sense is that the big insight or opening is really just your first 20%. The work part then must happen. That’s the 80%.

My own transformational journey was incredibly messy. One year off turned into three years as I tried to figure out the next step for myself but just didn’t know how. Once I thought I had the next step, I bounced from job to job for several years, looking for “the one” that would surely satisfy me. Even when I finally landed on the idea to go into private practice as a Rolfer (another epiphany in its own way), guess what? My personality, history, and all my ways of being came with me, so I ultimately had to dig beyond the topic of “career” and get into many more layers of deep personal growth work to find a sense of purpose and satisfaction in my work.

One of the biggest lessons for me was this – do not trust magical thinking. I was convinced that one year off would be plenty of time to figure out what I needed to figure out. I told myself, “I’ll just play for a year and everything will come together.” I had zero plan (beyond playing) and was hoping for the best. And I found out, as with any self-work that’s meaningful, that it’s an often difficult and very windy road.

Transformation does not happen in an instant.

If you are in a place that feels like you’re “in-between,” as I was years ago, I encourage you to keep going. A solid anchor for me over the years, that may be helpful for you too, was asking myself the question, “How can I be free right now, in this very moment?” That question helped me find pockets of inner peace and solid ground along the way, so I could re-gather the necessary resources and continue forward on my growth journey.

Need some help or guidance along your journey? Please consider me a resource, and feel free to reach out and connect with your questions. I’d love to offer whatever help I can!